SEQUEL TO ‘MY FRIEND’

Much water has flown under the bridge. My life, my work in my class now seems fulfilling. I am now really reaching my targets. I am actually now able to teach in the class and the children are responding. Classroom situations are now fun filled and we have much more discipline in the class.

‘My Friend’ has now become manageable. He responds to instructions, although with a little reluctance. He looks at me when he comes into the class. He obeys when we tell him to sit in his place, gives his attendance, says ‘May I come in?’ and sometimes asks for what he wants instead of just snatching it. Of course, he speaks in monosyllables most of the time and still wants to be out on the ground in his own imaginary world. Yet I am VERY HAPPY. There has been tremendous improvement. He sometimes makes eye to eye contact and he calls me by my name. Today, he was waiting in the corridor for me to come to class. I was thrilled. Of what use are we teachers if not for the purpose of creating such learning situations that we all enjoy and look forward to.

All this change has come about because of my friend’s shadow teacher. She has come as a boon. She is a lovely girl, totally unassuming and non interfering. She concentrates on her duty. She sits with my friend at the back of the class and quietly gets the class work done. She coaxes, dissuades, persuades and promises him small ‘possible’ rewards. Whatever her strategy, it is working. Being constantly with him, she now understands him quite a lot. She has a lot of patience and handles him well.

My friend was an elephant in the drama that I had set for the Annual Day. He went confidently on the stage and said his dialogue. He stood with his friends till the end of the play. He had a field time the entire month when we were all busy practicing. Hardly any studies and lots of time to be out on the ground. Several imaginary stories would have been created. Once I saw him with a gunny sack on his back, busy searching for something. He had already created a ‘chullah’ with twigs. Mosaic tiles for plates and a long stick for a knife were in his kitchen. On asking we were told that he was going to prepare ‘chicken’ after first catching it. One day he spelt out ‘Thomas’ and ‘Friend’ on the flannel board. It turned out that, that was the latest cartoon he was crazy about. On another occasion he arranged the long individual fronds of the coconut leaf in the form of the railway tracks on which Thomas, the cartoon train would travel on.

The exams are going on and I am worried. My Friend is pretty adamant when it comes to answering the oral questions. I have to insert in my questions during his constant activity and roaming around. I get answers only if He wants to answer. I know that he knows the answers. In the English written paper I saw some new questions and answers. These were the ones that interested him. After writing these, he solved the rest of the paper.

Well, the year has come to an end. It has been a huge learning experience for me. It has been an year of surprises and fun. I wonder how my friend will fare in the years to come. He has a very inquisitive and imaginative mind. Given the right kind of environment, guidance and motivation, I am sure he will grow up to contribute something to this world. I hope he will become a scientist. Whatever may be his future but he has definitely left a deep mark on my psyche. I HAVE BEEN BLESSED

- Ms. Jyoti Honkote, Asstt. Teacher, Eng (Primary)

A teacher tells us about her friend

Posted by - Jyoti Honkote, English (Primary)

I had first seen him in the activity room going around in circles with the sole object of being continuously busy, climbing the slide, going under the tables, occasionally stopping to minutely examine a new object and abandoning it after some time.

Not really knowing what I would be in for, I opted to take up the challenge of being his class teacher. As a free gift I got cute little Asha. I have a little study about her too but let us go to that later.

My friend is seven years old and pretty strong. He refuses to make any eye contact. He drones most of the time.  Initially, he kept to himself, but as he became familiar to the new environment, he started exploring his surroundings.  He purposely falls over his classmates. Sometimes he starts shouting as if he is angry about something. On such occasions he literally prowls the class and grabs some new type of compass box, crayon or pencil, anything that catches his fancy.  What amazed me is the way the children handle him. They ignore his ‘sound levels’, his unusual behavior and only look at him warily when he comes near. Only when he takes anything that is theirs, do they protest. Some give him a tough fight.

  I was told that he went to a special teacher. Here he got the one to one attention that he needed for his development. I went to meet her and watch her methods. I was astonished at the manner in which he put together a train set within no time. He then demanded for animals to arrange around the tracks. He also built a relatively complicated vehicle using the pieces of meccano by looking at the guidance manual. Once my friend wants anything, whether it be a piece of a toy or a particular crayon he becomes obsessed with it and will not be satisfied with alternate articles, however interesting they be. He just throws away the other ‘offerings’ with venom.

Occasionally, his explorations have yielded rich dividends in the other classes. At the sight of his familiar face, children just scream warnings and instantly hide their goodies. He loves circular movements and many of the benches of room no. 7 have been colored white with crayons. My friend can read quite well, in fact he loves to do so. He loves new colorful books and eagerly searches for his favorite animal - The Elephant. He repeats the word with great joy. He named all the familiar creatures on a new chart that was put on display. But he liked the elephant the most.  He seems quite intelligent.  He refuses to copy from the board. He cooperates after several efforts but even that is short lived. I find it extremely difficult to give him the kind of attention that he needs. If I could do so I would have been able to tap the intelligence and talent that he definitely possesses.

Below are some specific observations.

1^st October- We had EVS oral and Drawing exam. My friend seemed out of sorts. He didn’t respond to my request to take out his colors and when I took it out for him he just threw all of them on the ground. He was alternately wailing and screaming. After he took away another child’s white colour and kept it for sometime, did he become quiet. I gave him two books to go through. He searched for his favourite ‘elephant’. Then he kept himself busy joining the dots and tracing pictures of animals.

4^th November – We met again after a long and relaxing vacation.  We had Craft.  Marble paper had been distributed to all. As instructed, my friend made a triangle fold.  I demonstrated how to make ‘ Aeroplane’  to the class. I made one and flew it towards him.  He was delighted.  He flew his paper plane in my direction and a ten minute game ensued. His squeals of delight were a treat to hear.  Another remarkable breakthrough was that he was making eye to eye contact, he was actually communicating. 

6^th November – The moment I entered the class, I got three written complaints. I knew what they were about even before reading them. My friend had torn two workbooks and broken a compass and a water bottle the previous day. Since he does not copy from the board, he has plenty of free time. When his classmates don’t show him their possessions he simply takes them by force. Sometimes he only throws them away again. When he faces opposition all hell breaks loose. There is no stopping him then. He is big for his age. Even I am not able to control him then. I tackled the irate parents as well as I could.

Anyway today was ‘water-bottle inspection’ day. Finding nothing new in the class, my friend strolled out. He looked closely at all the new varieties of water-bottles, changed their places and then poured water from one to the other and back again.

ANOTHER BREAKTHROUGH - My friend copied six words from the board after a lot of motivation.

12th November – My little terror has been giving a lot of trouble. He just doesn’t sit quietly in his place. He is becoming more and more aggressive.  His curiosity for new things drives him to take others things. He will give back everything eventually, when he loses interest in it. But the other children are 5-6 year olds. They get agitated and fight with him or come to complain. It is becoming extremely difficult to keep him busy. He bit two children. I have run out of ideas to keep him occupied. The rest of the 71 students of my class also need my attention.

14^th November – My friend’s special teacher has requested us to allow a shadow teacher to be with him all the time. She will handle him all the time. This will allow him to experience normal classroom situations and continue interaction with others. I have to put this in front the school committee on Monday. Let us see what is decided.

17^th November – Our school, being always ready to do all that is required to help, has agreed to allow a shadow teacher to be with him in the class. I hope this scheme will be successful.

19^th November –Yesterday was the Annual Sports day of our class.  We went in a long line to D.S.F. Sports ground.  Under his father’s watchful eye, my little friend was a little mouse. He participated in everything enthusiastically and obeyed all the instructions given by Sir. Once we came back to class, he was his usual aggressive self. I think he knows that he has nothing to fear from us lady teachers.

Today was a long awaited day. The Trip to Veer Savarkar Udyan.  My friend seemed familiar with the place. He was very excited to see a large model of his favourite elephant. He happily kept on touching and naming it. Then he went on to the other models. He played and roamed around freely. He did not once fight with, push or trouble anyone. Maybe the classroom situation claustrophobic to a child like him.

Changes in Student Teacher Relations

Student Teacher Relationship ZEN

There's no formula for the student teacher relationship. Each teacher is unique-in temperament, style, and also in interests. Some are strict and formal; some casual and relaxed. Also each student is unique. So there's no one way the relationship should be.

Even within Buddhism there are three traditional models of the relationship, each quite different from the others. In the Tibetan model the teacher is seen more as a guru; and there is often a strong devotional aspect on the part of the student. In the Vipassana tradition the teacher is seen as a guide or a spiritual friend, quite different from an elevated guru. In Zen the teacher is often seen as the living transmitter of the teaching; including all the romanticized stories of the master who bashes the student into enlightenment with the whack of a stick. Even though the romantic images may be gone, the Zen teacher may still be seen as the enigmatic agent of transformation. Each of these three models has its own limitations, but the point is there is no one way the relationship has to be.

Regardless of the differences in style, the real function of a teacher remains the same. The job of the teacher is to clarify what practice is. This is done on a general basis, by clarifying the nature of the self-centered dream and how to awaken from it. It is also done by helping the student clarify their own particular difficulties, and how to practice with them. Along with this, the teacher will encourage the student, both directly with words, and indirectly, by example.
The function of the teacher is certainly not to be the student's mommy or daddy. Nor to be the student's therapist, even though the practice will often include working on the psychological level.

There are three basic stages of the student teacher relationship. The first is to realize the need for a teacher. Some practitioners never get beyond this barrier. Once we accept that we need a teacher, the next stage is to find a teacher that we feel compatible with. This may take a period of trial and error, since not every teacher is suitable for every student. The third stage is to learn how to work with the inevitable difficulties that will arise in the relationship.

Many of the difficulties that arise in the student teacher relationship are the result of the filters that the student brings, including all of the expectations and assumptions about what the relationship is supposed to be like. For example, do you have the expectation that the relationship is supposed to be pleasant, or at least not difficult? You may think that you don't have this assumption, but notice your reaction when the teacher points to something in yourself that you don't want to see. Or when you're asked to do something as a practice approach that you don't want to do. This is a very interesting point to consider: how do you react when it's suggested that you practice with something in a way that doesn't suit you?

Another assumption we may have is that the teacher should be perfect, or at least not have certain flaws. Again, you may think you don't have this obviously unrealistic expectation, but what is your reaction when the teacher does something you judge as off? If you have a strong reaction, it means that you do, in fact, have the belief that the teacher should be and behave in a particular way. You need to ask yourself, what "flaws" aren't okay with you? And what do you do when this situation arises? Do you get righteously angry and speak your mind? Do you withdraw or feel like giving up? Do you go numb? It's good to know your own patterns.

We have so many uninspected beliefs in this area that they are bound to cause us difficulties at some point. Why? Because teachers aren't perfect; they're an ongoing process. In fact, unless teachers continue to work with their own edge, their own fears, they are no longer effective teachers, because they will be disconnected from others.

Of course, there are certain situations when the teacher may, in fact, be off. And these situations may need to be eventually addressed. But the point is it's best to work with and see through our own emotional reactions first, which are mostly based on our conditioned views and judgments.
There is another, more subtle, assumption that many students have: that the student and teacher are the same. This is a tricky topic. I'm not saying that the teacher should be seen as better, or above—just different. If the student has the frontiersman mentality, seeing himself as independent, doing his own thing, the delusion is that he sees himself as already free. If the student's cup is already full, he will only do what he wants, and thus not be truly open to learning. This is unfortunate, because no matter how skillful the teacher, they can relate to students, or "teach", only in proportion to the student's willingness to learn.
One other important factor that every student, no matter how advanced, will bring to the relationship, is their own ego-strategy. If you have trust issues, they will no doubt eventually arise in relation to the teacher. If you need to submit to an authority, you will no doubt set up the teacher as the authority. You may also find yourself having to rebel against that same authority. Or perhaps you need to be liked, to please, or to be understood. Whatever our ego-strategy is, it will play itself out in the relationship with the teacher just like it plays out in every other relationship. The only difference is that hopefully the teacher will help you see what you're doing.

This doesn't mean you have to then beat yourself up for your "faults," or struggle to be a better student. What it does mean is that you can become increasingly aware of your own beliefs and actions. The point of being a student is to learn. The more we see through our own conditioned beliefs and behaviors, the more free we become of them. This is the wish of every teacher: to see the student learn to stand on their own two feet.

Ezra Bayda

Three Elements of Student Teacher Relations

Three Elements of the

Student Teacher Relationship

The relationship between student and teacher, if it is to be maximally productive, must reflect certain attitudes and commitments of each to the other. Specifically, three elements must exist in a student's relationship to a teacher:
First, the student must respect his or her teacher and hold him in the highest esteem, for this is a necessary prerequisite to accepting his advice. Regarding someone who is only giving factual information, and not assuming the role of mentor, this condition becomes less critical. In relation to a spiritual advisor, however, the student needs to feel deference and admiration, for this creates a willingness and desire to receive the teacher's instruction, even though this instruction may be uncomfortable and disconcerting at times.
Secondly, the student must trust the teacher's concern. The student must believe that the teacher always has his or her best interests in mind. If the student would sense some ulterior motive, some self interest, or even carelessness in the teacher’s instruction, he or she would not be able to surrender whole heartedly to the teacher's advice, and this would make the entire exchange meaningless.
Finally, the student must commit himself or herself to following the instruction with utmost discipline, for only then can the intended effect be realized. Just as a doctor's orders must be followed precisely, since failure to do so could cause more harm than good, so a teacher's "prescription" must be obeyed with equal conscientiousness and deference to his superior knowledge and authority.
The teacher also has three levels of responsibility to his students in relation to giving advice:
The first is fulfillment of the prerequisite of getting to know his students individually, to probe the innermost depths of their hearts as well as examining the outer details of their lives. As the teacher's familiarity grows, so the potency of his advice deepens proportionately.
Secondly, the teacher must express love and affection toward his students. It is this affection that dissolves the students' natural tendency to resist being told what to do. Thus, the advice can penetrate more deeply and effectively.
Finally, the teacher must take time to reflect upon his students' progress, refining and adjusting his vision of how best to influence them toward positive change. This is an ongoing requirement because students quickly "outgrow" old advice, and the categories of what is beautiful and what is ugly change with each new stage of growth.
More than any of the other seven skills, this fourth skill of customizing advice is a direct function of the teacher's love for his students. The care with which he sifts through various options, seeking that which will satisfy and beautify, is truly an act of love. The measure of a teacher's affection is reflected in his concern for his students' "appearance"--that their personalities be balanced and well proportioned, that they feel at peace with themselves and their environment, that they utilize their talents and fulfill their potential. If the teacher's instructions come from such a place of loving endearment, then he will save his students much wasted effort in their journey toward self fulfillment and service of God. In contrast, the advice of a teacher who lacks such particularized concern will be less potent. His cliches and generalizations evidence his own immaturity and narrow mindedness, factors which make his instruction more arbitrary and, necessarily, less penetrating.